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*EEDITORIAL OPHVION Anyway, he blew into good old TO town last Thursday primarily to flog his just-released biography: Standing Firm. What else can a US. Vice- President do? Playing host for this ‘Round Table Luncheon’ was The Fraser Institute, a Vancouver-based right-wing oriented think tank. Who better to invite than Quayle, the self- -proclaimed defender of ‘traditional family values’ at a time when the Ontario government is in turmoil over extending social benefits to same-sex couples Bringing up the rear in this month-long invasion of American heavy-hit- ting speakers is one Larry (I can’t even remember the Prime Minister of Canada’s name) King. He’s front and centre on June 22nd for a business sem- inar, housed, appropriately enough, in the Coliseum Arena at Exhibition Place. After all, that venue has seen more than enough of its share of bull. A group of five other lesser-lights will be the foils to King’s address...topic as yet unknown. We suggest how to fleece people and leave them laughing. None of these people really need the money, so why do they do it? No doubt it’s ego, plain and simple. And the refusal to believe their time on the public stage is done, and in the case of Bush and Quayle, even if an entire nation has told you to take a hike. Ian Oliver Publisher Robert Glasbey Advertising Director Norman Alexander Editor Geoff Hm Circulation Director Teri Casas Ofllce Manager Tim Coles Production Manager mavens-e neuronprnlmwsryau .woo anar» .31 7 Spears Rd. Oakvib, Is one or the Melmland rinf ”mung 5%m Lid. group or suburban newspapers which inc : Ajax-Prekorinq News W.BarneAdvenoe, Brannon Gmrd'nn. ' Pom ' Conneaion, Elobrooke Guardran, own I Anon Fm , Kinoswn This Week. ”“3ka eok. M an Econom'sl and Sun. fiMvile/Urdrridge Trirune. ' on Canadian CW Mange Mm Newmarker-Aurore EmBanner, North York Mirror. Oekvile Beaver. Onllh Today, DshewalWhlby This Week, Peterborough This Week. Riehrnom! HIV Thornhil/Veughan Lberal. h Miror. All material pubished in the Oekvile Beaver is proredod by copy' M. Any raproduaion in whole or in pen or [his malarial is slriuty lorbidden wrlfirom the consent 04 the pm making is accepted on the condition that. in the event :1 a typogra Haul error, Ital ponion ol the advertising space occu bd the f’ erroneous item. ther mm a reasondrle allowame for sigmatuo. will no , allhe appicable rate. The pubisher reserves (he rig}! to categorize and re' 1 advenismg or services who wrong prba. good: a services may not be said. Advem' no is more}; Wm... bedrargsdlor. bmrrwbalancedlmmverfisememwl bepardtor. .Inthe over! 0! thical error.adwrtie‘ngooods~ moflerhseflmd rwiMawnelanyfinn. Ads for former President George Bush’s visit to Toronto, make that Tâ€" Oarâ€"Onâ€"Toe, said he would give his thoughts on the Presidency. Certainly enough has already been said and written about the Bush years. And that goes even more so for Bush’s buddy in the White House, one Dan (who) Quayle, he of the fractured quip and less-than-stellar spelling. Yes, Dan, our spelling of Toronto was just for you...remember the great ‘pota- toe’ debacle? Nuff said. They may all be ‘interesting’ people. But what they have to say in 1994 is simply not relevant to Canadians. Maybe they all smell blood thanks to the uncertainty of Canada’s future. And they’d be only too glad to give us a hand at re-aligning north American geographic boundaries should Quebec vote to leave Confederation. circuit. It’s made up of various ‘personalities’ who some associations find attractive lures to their various conventions. In fact some compa- nies make all of their money putting on these ‘seminars’. Added to this list are motivational speakers, many of whom you can see on late-night television flogging their tapes and telling everyone how they can as rich, and in some cases as offensive, as they are. One of the big growth industries these days is the international speaking There has been a barrage of these ‘name’ speakers in the Toronto area over the past few weeks and more are planned. All of the headliners are, surprise, Americans. It’s all kind of sad really and goes to the underlying weaknesses in the Canadian psyche. In other words, an inferiority complex. In the case of Quayle, it’s the start of a long road that he hopes will lead to the Republican nomination for the Presidency in the next election. Someone should tell them, it’s not over yet...not by a long shot. Verbal invasion 467 'Sbéé’r’é‘fib‘éa, Oakville, om. L6K 384 845-3824 Fax: 845-3085 Classified Advertising: 845-2809 Circulation: 845-9742 or 845-9743 mmmrwpbishw nssfaxuwingaydm4§7 Spears Rd., Oakviio, Isonooilho Melisoland rinwlins,es rhm'ng Lid. group oi suburban newspapers which inch'r‘sss Nag-Pickering Adveriser. Barrio Advance, Branpion Ginrd'nlnj Conneciion Elobiooka Guardian. Mon Free Kingsion This Week. Lindsa am Econom’sr ande Sun SiouiiviIe/Uidmdgc Trbuno. IXilonIs CanadianM Chanpion. Mississauga Newt. Newmarkuiâ€" Amara Era~Bannorz North York Mirror, Oakviiio Beaver. Onllin Today Oshawa/Whitby This Week. Peterborough This Week. Richmond HIV ThornhilNaughan Lberal Ml'mr. All malarial blshed in the Ciakviloh Bo ' 3:0de copyright: A_ny mum. nab“. nil-AI. .. :. ..-.. A: l just got back from IFlorida...and I’m not bragging. V It wasn’t that great. The weather was bleh, the beach was mined with nasty little jellyfish, the shopping was no great shakes (unless you were looking for a deal in sequined T-shirts), and the traffic was worthy of downtown Toronto after a Blue Jays doublehead- er. Yessir! Those Americans, God bless ‘em, buried a Cadillac Coup de Ville last month â€" presiding minister, assembly of graveside mourn- ers - the whole enchilada. Not that the Yanks have got a lock on bizarre burials. The Russians, after all, packed the carcass of Vladimir Lenin with rock salt and kept it on public display for 70 years after his death. And just to give the cere- mony that extra dash of authenticity, they made sure the owner was in the front seat. Relax, she was dead. As a matter of fact, the woman who owned the Caddy was the real subject of the funer- al. Her dying wish was to be buried in her beloved Cadillac. America, Land of Opportunity, obliged. Ah, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Because one day, when I was sitting in the coffee shop, I picked up a copy of the Boca Baton Bugle. And read about the funeral service for a Cadillac con- vertible. A good day is when you woke up on the right side of the grass WN SPECIAL- Then, there’s Jeremy Bentham. The English philosopher, who died in 1832, willed his entire estate to London Hospital...with one provision. Bentham’s will insisted that his preserved remains be permitted to pre- side over all hospital board meetings. The hospital agreed; Bentham’s skeleton was assembled with wires to hold the bones" together. The skull was fitted out with a wax mask of the philoso- pher’s face. The “body” was decked out in Bentham’s favorite clothes, plopped in an armchair, and set in a glass-fronted mahogany case. And for the next 92 years, Bentham “presided” over meetings of the London Hospital Board of Directors. To make sure no one was confused, a placard that read “not voting” was placed in front of him. Nowadays, folks can direct that their ashes be scattered at sea, sprinkled over a golf course or dug into the veg- etable garden. There was a I think old Jeremy did very well, considering that crema- tion was not the popular option it is today. Rendering an unwieldy cadaver down to a shot glass full of ashes, greatly increases thefichoices for creative disposal. The Chinese murmurs soft- ly, “About the same time your friends show up to smell the flowers.” Reminds me of the story about a Canadian visiting a cemetery to put flowers on his parents’ grave. While he’s there, he can’t help noticing an 'old Chinese man placing a bowl of soup on the grave of one of his dearly departed. Unable to conceal his deri- sion,the Canadian sneerm “VVhen do you think your ffiend win be up to eatthe soup?” It’s a gift shop. Right in the morgue. Folks can buy such grisly gizmos as person- alized toe tags, or Tâ€"shirts, and beach towels that feature chalk body outlines. Sort of a coroner store, as it were. Sound absurd? Well, it’s no sillier than most of our bizarre burial practices when you think about it. And for avid hunters who bite the bullet, there’s an entrepreneur in the States who will tamp your ashes into shotgun shells and deliv- er them to your hunting bud- dies, who can then blast them reverentially over your favorite hunting area. There may be a whole new growth industry here. Death ‘N Stuff Inc. Or perhaps Stiffs R Us. I know there’s already a free enterprise spin to the morgue in Houston, Texas. chap in England who willed his ashes to be placed in his favorite bar stool.