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c economist suntribune healthy lifestyles saturday april 6 2062 21 pain must be addressed for death to be accepted frontpage 20 out of 90 people who attended the sessions i was often the only male because so few men are involved i was asked to cofacilitate bereavement groups mr penrose noticed many mourners came to the meet ings years after their loved one had died for the first days and weeks after the death they had been consumed by mak- ing arrangements and sur viving from day to day as the days and weeks turned into months and tfien years many people had run on automatic pilot denying their pain by keeping busy but mr penrose believes at some point me mourner needs to address that pain without discussing and con- fronting it true acceptance of trie loved ones death wont happen people think time will heal everything it doesnt unless you allow the pain to come up he said but mr penrose said well- meaning friends and family can often stunt the mourn ers healing thinking they are doing the griefstricken pei son a favour by avoiding any mention of the loved one it feels to the mourner as if die person never lived that doesnt help at all talking to a grief counsel lor is a very healing process mr penrose added panel moved to tears from page 21 we all have something to learn about death profes sional or otherwise direc tor michael herinessy said following the performance he believes healthcare professionals have made progress in respecting patients wishes in choosing treatment but many still feel like tfiey- have failed when someone dies during a panel discus sion following the play many members of the audi ence said they were moved to tears by the perform ance panel members clini- cal coordinator for palliative care carol ford southlake regional health centre medical director of palliative care dr nancy merrow social worker on contract to the community care access centre sheila ingle and lutheran minister gord schmidt stressed every patient and every death must be treated indi vidually and with respect but dr merrow said the play captured beautifully the awkwardness and ambiva- lence doctors experience when they have to deliver brutal blows of a terminal diagnosis the doctor in theplay was not ready to- let the patient take control she said adding physicians are rarely trained in how to deliver bad news it is a whole skill set its part of practising palliative- care for sure but it should be part of practising medi- cine as a whole newmarket barrie markham delate rejuvenate reunite the science of life classes experience your life in complete balance with yoga classesor all ages courses start a new career become a certified yoga instructor the school of n complete yoga of pathways canada t s since 1998 classes starting in april 9054715107 3 144 main st n unit 87arkham village lanes ej newmarket barrie markham you have to keep going over and over the death and memories of the deceased until you get it out of your system but family starts get ting tired of that he said going to a grief counsel lor made all the difference for me not only was it therapeu tic for me but because i had done bereavement work already i decided to become a grief counsellor mr penrose is running grief counselling sessions from his townhouse believ- ing the relaxed home atmos phere will help mourners feel free to express emotions there are many options for mourners to find grief counselling iri york region for example last wednesday hospice king- aurora began a weekly living with loss support group at the aurora united church social worker mary shea hospice kingauroras bereavement program man ager said people who are grieving wont- journey through the five stages of grief in a linear voyage often they will experi ence several different emo tions oh the same day sometimes they will think they are getting over their loss only to find an unex pected occurrence will send them info the depths of despair again- bereavement is often a series of moving two steps forward one step back peoples reaction to the death of someone they know is determined by their rela tionship age gender culture support system arid how pre pared they were for the death compounding the devas tation is our societys reluc- tance to deal with the issue of death often leaving the mourner with a sense of iso lation and loneliness people dont get over their grief they leam to live with it they learri to adjust to the fact rthat person is no longer physically in the world ms shea said they have to focus on memories it can take a long time to come to terms with the death it can take a long time to deal with it in their heart mr penrose can be reached at 9059670526 for more information on the hospices support group call 9058330356 calling all rising stars heres your chance to a scholarship to help dream prese n t i ng york region newspaper groups 2nd annual of the scholarship program scholarship and performance opportunities are available for rising stars in the performing arts talented york region amateur actors singers dancers and musicians are encouraged to enter the competition applications are available at the liberal the erabanner the markham hillcrest mall 9350 yonge st 580b steven court economist sun richmond hill newmarket 9 heritage road markham or online at wwwyorkregioncom application deadline friday june 28 2002 scholarship winners will be announced sunday oct 27 2002 c e l york region e b r a t i of the for further information email i your name phone number and questionsto celebratetheartsyrngcom no phone calls please i ii simlil