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economist suntribune january 20 1988 c17 a friend in meade r p off merchandise ibout our learance sale furniture by j0 jenny lind group crib mattress change table only reg 60000 free mattress with any crib purchase qsffibto ask about our convenient layaway plan 4776301 on january 20th ts wm ift c t iot am winter sale begins iip to ao ukiu o0ff on our entire winter stock featuring our famous brand names rouie ports international koret of canada white stag jeanne pierre sung sport franco valerie sweaters chagall blouses skyer kitten regency large collection of cruise summerwear many instore specials peggys distinctive ladies fashions markham aurora also in oakvillo milton 1661 denison st 2 orchard heights blvd burlington cuelph kitchener supercentre mall all sales final on sale merchandise standard from the corner of i and denison street markham dr ed meade is a registered psychologist and director of the markham stouffville family life centre in this column he answers questions from readers who re main anonymous q i have a close friend who i have known since childhood for the last two years she and her hus band have been trying to have a baby but have been unsuccessful they have been going to a fertility clinic for a year and there does not seem to be much hope my friend is willing to talk to me on the phone and will see me by myself without my husband or children thats okay with me although it is sometimes difficult to accept especially for my hus band since we used to go out fre quently as couples he tends to think she needs to face up to this and not seclude herself in self- pity how can i help her or at least not hurt her even more i know she is having a hard time dealing with this and i am trying to under stand also if it turns out that she can never have children how long should it take for her to adjust to the idea to the point where she can see other children a your friend and her husband are obviously very anxious to have a child of their own for the past year they have sought pro fessional help and are continuing to do so it seems that they are making intelligent concerted efforts to become pregnant and hence have no need to feel guilt that their efforts have not been fruitful your friend seems to be avoid ing others especially couples who have had or are having children they are obviously painful remin ders of the infertility problem i wonder if the infertility clinic could provide counselling as well as biological intervention if not the markhamstouffville family life centre has a qualified coun sellor who deals with this issue regularly i have a sense that if she were able to express and dis cuss openly the underlying re sentments frustration and anger that surround the infertility she might make herself more avail able socially perhaps you could suggest your friends adopt a child it happens sometimes that having a child around has a trigger effect that allows pregnancy to occur in summary acknowledge with your friend the genuine efforts she is making to become pre gnant listen out her frustrations with men or women ask her if she could be convinced that there is no fault of her own involved would she be more likely to socialize with other couples the specific questions you ask in helping your friend would de pend on her willingness to over come the guilt that seems to have taken hold of her perhaps at this time you are her only ally that can help her from further caving in perhaps you could suggest that she see a psychologist to help her beat back this unwarranted guilt which has taken hold of her life dr meade welcomes your ques tions if your response is published name and identity will be withheld questions should be directed to the markham stouffville family life centre 113 main st mar kham proclamation the council of the town of markham hereby proc laims the week of january 24th to 30th 1988 as von week in the town of markham mayor carole bell markham