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economist suntribune july 15 1987 c3 teens in crisis recognize suicide warning signs editors note this is the second in a series on teens in cri sis reporter maxine share un covers the telltale signs of a youth contemplating suicide by maxine share barbie started a fire in her room purposely two days later the 14yearold tried to kill herself in a separate incident 16-year- old tina broke down and cried in front of her mother shed never done that before the next day she was in an emergency department having her stomach pumped before these teenagers attemp ted suicide each tried to com municate her despair a parent f amiliar with symptoms of suicid al behavior may have received the message he key may lie in knowing your child suse guidelines for assessing the seriousness lof adolescents depression are only that guidelines but what symptoms should pa rents look for to determine if their teenager is experiencing more than just a mood how should they react if they believe their child is suicidal the key may lie in knowing your child because guidelines for assessing the seriousness of adolescents depression are only j that guidelines the adolescent may display all or none of the symptoms it is the relative change that is important according to dr bob simmons coordinator of psychiatric emergency services at the hospital for sick children in toronto you have to know your youngster in terms of what is normal behavior for them he says he attributes teenage suicide attempts to parents not being in tune with what their adolescent is going through too late eileen blake a volunteer with i telecare a york region crisis phone line adds parents have to learn to take teenage depression seriously and learn the signs of suicidal behavior unfortunately she says these things usually dawn on parents when its too late it is the teenagers peers who are often the first to learn their friend is having suicidal thoughts i often get clients from their friends says markham district high school guidance counsellor carol drake theyll say marys talking about dying but we promised we wouldnt tell p confidentiality is very impor tant to teenagers she says the triangle on its apex represents a teenager in aware of the signals given off by a teen contemplat- crisis she is surrounded by parents and peers who ing a suicide attempt can help her work out a serious problem if they are janine strom mrs drake says she hasnt lost a kid to suicide in her 18 year career theyve been found just by a whisker or ive clued in she says but to what consistent unhappiness some of it is instinct if you know a person well you get a feel ing for what sort of state isnt nor mal for them one common sign she looks for is consistent unhappiness over a period of time which is out of char acter for the child drens hospital disagrees they may try to keep up a false front but i would guess parents would get a sense of it if they were tuned in theyll saythat doesnt seem like him either barbie will vouch for that she says she thought her erratic behavior communicated her un happiness to her mother i be came a real bitch id swear at her come home late slam the door and lock myself in the room but shejust reacted by punishing me never did she ask whats wrong off her back says her mother but shed been upset since her dad and i broke up and that day she just cried and cried he her husband didnt want anyone else living with us in the apartment there were two youn ger children with them in a two bedroom apartment i knew she was upset says her mother still visibly upset nine years after tina survived an over dose but i never dreamed shed do that the young girl was saved after she phoned to say goodbye to her mother who recalls it fright- s- nh ft one common sign guidance counsellor carol drake looks for is consistent unhappiness over a period of time which is out of character for the child a second indication is his or her perception of the future if they are really serious about committing suicide they dont see themselves with any future at ail says mrs drake they have come to a point wherp they really dont want to live esfissi 5 tell an adult i tell them if your friend i committed suicide how would yoiifeel would you rather have a dead friend you didnt tell on or a j live friend who was a bit mad at you tell an adult who you trust has the good sense to deal with the situation she says you cannot carry that person by yourself dr simmons adds peers can only doso much they usually are struggling with very similar prob- lems and its hard for one drown ing person to save another while teens are likely to tell a friend if they are having suicidal thoughts parents may be left in the dark knowing what to look for cairpfevchttilsasler a second indication is their perception of the future if they are really serious about commit ting suicide they dont see them selves with any future at all says mrs drake no future plans they have come to a point where they really dont want to live at all and they cant im agine themselves beyond a month says mrs drake as adults as parents or with a career if she suspects a student is suicidal shell ask what do you want to take in school next year she says they may respond with oh i dont know maybe i wont be around or theyll say im not ever going to be an adult anyway i dont want to be 25 years old i dont think i want to live that long however she admits you cant always tell if a teen is con templating suicide by outward personality false front what was wrong had been building for years started fire barbie says she was sexually abused by her stepfather from ages 10 to 13 i didnt tell my mom because i didnt want to hurt her she says but how could she not have known something was wrong with me days before she attempted suicide barbie visited her mother at 14 years of age she had moved out on her own it was then she started a fire in her bed room it wasnt my room any more and i was just so angry luckily the fire was put out be fore there was any significant damage tina had a similar experience no room br simmons from sick chil- when her parents separated she moved out on her own but she was unable to cope with the isola tion and financial pressures of liv ing alone when her mother re fused to let her move in with her tinabeoame hysterical usually everything just rolled ened me something ui her voice i went over to her apartment right away dr simmons says barbie and tinas experiences are typical in many ways first their persona lities and behavior changed dra matically and second their states of mind had evolved over time years of problems in our experience these are youngsters who have had prob lems for many years its not something that suddenly comes up he says dr simmons suggests parents may have difficulty discussing these problems with their teen be cause they may harbor false no tions about the childparent rela tionship he explains a mother may say i want to be a friend to my daughter he says but the daughter doesnt need a friend she needs a parent there has to be a gap says dr simmons but- that- doosnt mean there cant be communica tion over that separation he warns teenagers ex periencing pain may have a prob lem in their ability to communi cate with others and the onus is on the parent to gehhat child to talk men a love relationship ids dont sayrqh well there are more fish in the sea to make light of it irewy intensifies me pain says counsellor brian jcurinihgton talking makes it feel better he says sharing the pain makes it easier to carry he admits that may be easier in theory than in practice and re commends parents try different tactics to encourage communica tion if your daughter is moping around and you ask whats bothering her she may respond nothing and apparently re sent the imposition but if you feel something is wrong and you know for exam ple that shes been dating you could say i havent seen so-and- so around for sometime that oftentimes opens up the door and often the floodgates he says other clues and he cautions parents to re gard their teenagers problems seriously to make light of it really intensifies the pain he says when a love relationship ends dont say oh well there are more fish in the sea in addition to behavioral changes experts concede teena gers may offer other clues if they are contemplating suicide brian cunnington a therapist withmarkhamstouffville fami ly life centre says the adoles cent may bequeath his organs to science become disruptive or apathetic lose interest in school and in close friends and alter his sleeping patterns and he may put his life in order by drawing up a will or giving away his prize pos sessions he says of all the symptoms the latter concerns experts most cherished possessions when they give away things they have always cherished says mrs drake from markham high that would worry me greatly dr simmons doesnt mince words if hes already giving away his stereo youve already missed the boat but he says these are the ex ceptions the small group of attempters who are successful the breakdown in awareness and communication has come much earlier on however mr cunnington cau tions this and other symptoms are just clues to increase sensi tivity to the fact that perhaps something is going on in some ones life when even health care profes sionals cannot positively inter pret the significance of adoles cent behavior what is a parent to do if you suspect your child is suicidal advises markham highs carol drake run dont walk to someone who can help you next week help for suicidal teens what it is how it works and- where tofind it-